Word of the Day: nurture Busy busy busy. Friday afternoon we left for San Marcos. We spent an uncomfortable night at Laurel’s [me on an air mattress, JD on the couch, Patrick in Laurel’s room because there was no space elsewhere] and went to her graduation Saturday morning. Some Senator spoke and the brass played some song. The ceremony was for the schools of education and something else, athletic somethingorother. They had four different ceremonies for the billion schools they have at SWT [or TSU, whatever you want to call it], but we only had to go to the one and we couldn’t even make it through the whole thing because Patrick started freaking out, wanting to run around the place [this was in a basketball stadium and we were at the very top, so that wouldn’t have been a good idea at all]. After everything ended, we met Laurel and her family [and Crystal, who was awesome to see] at a steakhouse for lunch. And after that we drove to Dallas. The hotel in Dallas was beautiful, but the bed wasn’t comfortable. We got up this morning and went to UD. I found a shady place to sit, and Patrick ran around in the grass before [and, I admit, during] the ceremony. People talked, people graduated. I found all but one of the people I really wanted to see, and then we had a hellish ride back to Victoria through the rain and the baby’s screams. But now I’m thankfully home. I went to Laurel’s graduation because…well, because I never see her. I feel so far away from her, especially now that she’s married and starting life for real. I had to go to hers because no doubt she would have gone [and probably will, whenever that may be, go] to mine. I went because it was sort of expected of me, being a friend and all. I went to UD’s graduation for me. Not to see people, because I knew I wouldn’t see anyone without feeling exceptionally awkward. Not to take part in their joyous celebration, because I was not feeling joyous. I went for myself, to take myself through the torture I’ve been feeling for so long, to make myself face the truth. As they were all walking up the mall in their robes, I cried. I held Patrick tightly in my arms and cried. The climax of my tears and my torture was the moment I spotted Tommy in line and thought, ‘I would have been there, right in front of him. That’s where I would be, in black robes with a funny hat on, smiling and looking for my parents in the crowd.’ It hurt so badly to think that, I nearly had to bend over double while it passed. And then it was over. I had promised myself that with this graduation, I would let everything out, cry if I had to. I promised myself that with this graduation, I would be saying goodbye to UD and everything I could have been. No more pretending, no more tricking myself. As they are gone from UD, so am I. ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live,’ said Dumbledore in HP+SS, and I’m trying to keep this in my heart. My dreams have passed with this graduating class, my graduating class, and now I must look forward and prepare for what lies ahead, my life for real. _____________________________________________________________________ *Truth is natural like a wind that blows, Follow the direction no matter where it goes So it shall be, the earth and the sea, Let the Truth blow like a hurricane through me*