Word of the Day: fidelity I can let go, but I can't ever forget. I wonder, sometimes, what Aaron thinks about me now, if he ever does. I wonder what he learned from me. It seems, sometimes, he didn't learn anything, but that can't possibly be. We were together too long, experienced too many things together, there are too many of his memories that have me entangled in them. Or so I flatter myself to think. Things aren't so awkward anymore, or they weren't when he came to visit us. I've never really felt awkward around him, even in the beginning, four long years ago. I know I still think about him, worry about him, feel for him. I still love him, the same way I love Kirby before him and Ryan even before him. They are all in my heart as memories and lessons [and fodder for my later novels]. But back to Aaron. I know we had a rough time during our years together, but I can say that I don't regret any of it, even the pain, even when I made myself miserable over him. Because, of course, if you don't feel when you live, and feeling includes pain, it's not living at all. ________________________________________ It's getting hard again. I haven't seen JD a whole lot lately. I mean, it's expected and I know we're both working hard for the future, but it still gets me down not seeing him for more than an hour a day [with both of us awake]. But he has tomorrow off, which I didn't know. He told me that today, that he has tomorrow off, and I also have tomorrow off, and I got so excited that we were able to spend the whole day together I couldn't speak correctly. My words were all getting mixed up. It was funny. On Monday night he was working four to close [which is nine] as the closing stockclerk, so I knew he was going to be home later than nine because he has to clean on Monday nights. No, no, he got home around 12:45 am to find me fast asleep and annoyed because I had to get up at five to go to work. This is the stuff I'm talking about, him having to work till midnight and me having to work effing early in the morning because I can't stay up and wait for him and be awake when he gets home. I want so badly to spend time with him, and it just frustrates me that our schedules are like they are. But none of this can be helped, and this will last till at least the end of January, after their inventory is over. How I hate Hobby Lobby. I've been working the mornings lately, and I always say I like working in the morning better than at night [except the fact that I can't ever see my husband]. It's easier in the mornings and it seems to go by faster. We'll see tomorrow when Velma makes out the schedule what the next week looks like for me. Things are getting more stable at the front desk. Janet and DJ are getting better, and things are slacking off. But, for some reason, we're still really full every night. No, people, this is the time of year when it's not busy at hotels, don't you know this? Whatever, whatever. I made 74 [or 76?] hours for this pay period, so that's nice. JD's working freaking I don't know how much overtime, but I guess that's why he has tomorrow off. Any road, we're still not rolling in money, but things are getting more better. My mother asked me today if I was happy, and I told her I was. I am. I've always been good at making the best of situations, especially if they're long term. I assimilate well. Nevermind, scratch that day off for JD tomorrow. But I still fucking hate Hobby Lobby.