well, today was interesting. i thought i had myself convinced that i was over matt. after school me neil and jessy went to "japan" and hung out, haaa. then we came back in school and just hung out down by the pool, thinking matt was IN the pool, but then i remembered modified had practice first. so we were waiting in the stairwell for jessys mom and me and jon kolba had a good talk cause we havent talked in fooorever, and just as he was leaving matt and one of his swimming people came down, and he seriously like turned around and just looked at me for like 20 seconds. was it my hat? did i look different, or prettier in the hat? ill wear it everyday all day if you can just look at me like that once more. i felt my heart breaking into an unbearable lightning bolt. when i look in his eyes i feel the exact same way i did last year. i just wanna know if he feels the same. i thought it was going to last. looking back on everything, i dont understand why i didnt just go with my instincts. he was going out with me cause he obviously liked me for me, and i just tried being the girlfriend that everyone in my school is. minus all the gayness though. i was just trying to be like over protective but in my own way. but nothing like what ive heard about his new girlfriend. what does he want with an uptight control freak skinny little bitch over me. but really all i want is for things to be erased and for him to go back to being the loser in the corner reading a book at the lunch table by himself with glasses and a dropkick murpheys shirt on. thats who i fell in love with. im gonna spill one of these days though. theres times i see him in the hall and i get ready to just grab him and drag him downstairs and just tell him everything. i want to. i will one day. but how is he going to react? what if he tells me i never have another chance for the rest of my life. what if he tells me he wants nothing to do with me and he fucking hates me. (then you get over him jen, you just move on...) Right. ill do that. dont you think i would have already done that 7 months down the road. ((i miss you with words so strong not even shakespeare could formulate meaning)) california will wait for us. The celestial influence helps you to probe more deeply into a situation concerning you and your loved one. If you have noticed a distance building up between you lately, or had the feeling that somehow you can't seem to click, you may find that after today things improve steadily. You have the ability to get right into their heart and to attain a sense of oneness with them. did i just read that in someones journal, yes.