so here we are. new years eve. im sure most people are stuck with thoughts of what their doing tonight and how wasted their going to be getting. but me, im sitting here, on the verge of crying, thinking that 2003 was the best year i have had so far. thinking that 2003 was also the worst year in so many ways, also. 20 days into this year i got my tongue pierced, which was something i had wanted for so long and finally convinced my parents to let me get it done. i started casually hooking up with guys that i sort of knew, they went to my school and i knew them through Ryan usually. it was fun, and which every one of them i would think during and after we were done that i wish i was doing this with matt. this usually led me into thinking i was actually into these people, thinking they had the qualities that i liked in Matt. i was wrong. i partied so much with Erin. i loved Erin so much. me and her brenda were inseperable all through 9th grade. going tanning, to wendys and knowing everyone there, shopping, WALKING everywhere, driving around in the famous "Tiempo", everyone in the world calling my cell phone, sneaking out, BINGHAMTON, hockey games.. the list goes on..and on..and on.. the point is - i miss her. i miss her so much. i through away it all for someone that i barely talk to anymore. how many times do i mention that in here..IM SICK OF IT. i told the one person that i have ever truly cared about and been IN love with just that. he "loved" me back. yeah. riight. it was fun for a few months..now im just left with nothing. not even the friendship. im pretty much over that now though. this past summer i realized i needed to get out of here. when eric and jeremy came up i decided i was going back to Florida with them and it was the best change ive ever had. i came back with the best attitude and i need that back. today was fun though. me brenda and neil drove around for like 2 hours. we drove by matts house 3 times and someone was standing in the window. it felt weird being over there again. it kinda brought a little bit of closure over me. with the year ending and all and i havent talked to him in months.. if you ever read this, it was fun. wish we could have stayed friends.. brenda just left. :( i wish i could have been with her tonight but i hope she has fun with danielle and everyone! its sad that ill be all alone for New Years Eve.. you all need to call my cell phone. i hope you all have a great one, lets make 2004 somewhat kick-ass.