Have you even had to deny something to yourself? To tell you'reself that you are not sad that you are not hurt and that it is ok, you don't care when you really do, you are happy when you're really not, Everything is not ok, but I won't tell anyone that not even myself. I am strong, I have gone through this when I was 17 and now that I am 21 it will be a lot easier. I don't need help this time.

Last night was not that great and to clear my head I went to do some off roading which is what I usually do when I am sad, I went to a place called the punkhorns and as I was jumping and bumping over the trails I dove into a gaint mud puddle (I didn't damage my car at all btw) and got stuck, I tried and tired to get out but I was hopeless hopelessly stuck in the mud. After 15 mins of just spinning tire I got out and began to dig. I am calling my mood enlightened because that's how my life is right now I am stuck. Stuck in this mud puddle of shame. I dug for almost an hour, but I did it. I got my car out and still i continued on the trail. I was scared I was not going to be able to get out of that puddle but I did all on my own. I didn't have anyone I could of called anyway it was really late. It took me almost 2 hours to get out of that mess but I did it, and I am proud that I did.

The next few weeks are going to be hard for me, but like I said I have gone through it before and I over came it, At least this time I can keep it a secret, no one needs to know anyway. My eyes are open now, I can see what people for what they are and what they really want.

No one gives a shit if you are sad anyway so you might as well be happy. Which at this moment I am not, but I will be, I know I will be just fine, and that nothing is as bad as it seems.

for now I will just "dig" through this it may take more than a few hours to get out of this mud puddle but I will get out of it at some point, I am a damsel in distress with no knight in shining armor to come and save me, but like last night I had no one to come save me and I managed just fine. It sucks but whatever will be will be.

It's just amazing how fake people really are, lesson learned. It just really sucks big time, people just really don't care.