So here I am again,

I am at a loss here, A total loss a total mess. I am so confused, I am so hurt, but moslty I am mad, I am so mad. I am mad at everything and everyone. I am mad at my family for treating me like crap, for being mean to me for no reason, I am mad at my friends for all the lies, but mostly I am mad at myself.

For messing up so many times, for trying so hard, for thinking that for once I was something. STUPID silly girl. History will ALWAYS repeat itself. I was born this way, I will die this way. Form since I can remember I felt different. I am different. I am not suppose to be here. I do not belong. My first memory of life taught me this, and so on and so forth it has been proven right again and again.

I am trying so hard, I am so tired. I am ok. I am free. I'm working on fixing me, phyical and mental. A pound of body fat equates to approximately 3500 calories. So if you have a calorie deficit of 500 calories (meaning that you burn 500 calories more than you eat each day) you would lose approximately one pound per week: 500 x 7 = 3,500.This is what I am doing but I am loesing three pounds a week.

It's simple science, and math. Science has always been the only thing that makes sense to me. I can slove anything if I can use science, I wish love could be sloved with since, I wish I could be sloved with science. What is wrong? Why do I feel this way? This is not normal, I am not normal. WHAT the hell am I doing? I need a life line to slove this... this puzzle, I need to crack the code and fingure out what I am doing wrong.

I can not and will not place the blame on them anymore. This is my doing and I have no one to blame but myself, this is why I am alone. but why? What did I do? I look back on my steps I see mistake after mistake, I try to fix it but again and again I fail, then why do I keep messing up? I see my mistakes, but then I still make mistakes. Why am I not leanring from this? I need more time to figure this out.