Just one more time, how many times am I going to say that to myself before I stop. How far will I go, what will be the next step? Why am I letting this happen without a care or concern? I have told myself no and yet I do it again and again.

I have turned away from the ones who have claimed to love me, and been rejected by the ones I love. both of which have showned no sign of loving me. I have been hurt, used, rejected and subjected too horrible things. I have had no one to hold me hand, or wipe my tears. I am strong some may think I am weak but I have gone through a lot more than I let people think.

I don't let my guard down, this has caused me problems when it comes to relationships. I don't fall fast and I don't let myself get attached. But I do something slip, and now I regret it. I made the mistake of letting my guard down, for thinking this guy was different from all the rest, and now that I am seeing someone else they are not getting the chance of me making the same mistake again.

I am back seeing Zack now he called me like a week ago and apologize to me about everything, at first I didn't want to take his apology but he didn't give up one me so I gave him another chance. He really is a sweet guy but is he just sweet talking me into false hope? I think so. I have been with him almost everyday the past week. He has had bonfire parties at his house everynight and always calls me first to invite me, and makes sure I am going, Everytime he sees me he always says how nice I look or how good I smell, and yes it dose make me feel special but I don't fall for that game. I know not all guys are fuckers some are lovers but I am so sick of fuckers, and untill I know Zack is not a fucker I am not letting mu guard down. Also just in case you were all wondering we have no had sex.

I made that mistake with the last guy so I am making Zack wait, and no I was not looking for a relationship just someone who could make me think that there are some nice guys out there. anyway its proven science, when two people who already kinda like eachother have sex it releases a hormone that causes you to like or "love" the person more fortunatley for guys this feeling dosent last long because testerone counteracts the feeling, but women are not so lucky because their testerone levels are much lower the feelilng of "love" stays. I say "love" because people confused love with lust all the time.

The world is full of lovers and fuckers both men and women, the hard part is finding out which ones are which. I will not let myself be used again. I am better than that.