Back and Forth

So I have been going back and forth between writing in my journal and on here.

My life is really crazy right now. a lot of things have happen some frineds have been lost but I really do not care. People can be really stupid at times and they can believe the most crazy things but oh well. The people who you thought were smart can be really really stupid.

No point in crying over split milk. I'm not crying, I'm not even upset.

I'm starting to think that I'm not a relationship kind of person anymore, I invested so much time and energy in both Tyler and B. I did everthing for them, I loved them so much in the end I got my heart broken. I'm finally free from them.

I have been free from Tyler for a long time now but I was hung up on B for what seemed like forever.

I did so much for B, all I wanted was to be with him but all he did was play with my heart he was never honest about how he felt and I come to find even months after I told him off hes still talking about me. I'm over it, he needs to get over it.

It makes me mad that he will never know the truth, he is and always will be blind to how he treats people. In his mind he is Mr. Perfect and has done no wrong, when in reality he is the biggest asshole I have ever met in my whole life. Untill he learns or realizes how he is he will never be happy. he thinks everyone treats his like shit when in reality hes the one who treats people like shit. He is selfish, self centered, aragont, racist and narcissistic. I don't even know what the hell I saw in him.

I wanted to help him, I wanted to help make his life better all he ever did was tell me how horrible everything was for him and how nothing was ever good for him. I would try so hard to please him and it was never good enough. I blame him for my own downfall. I was so concerned in making him happy my own life went to shit.

He's an incubus, a soul sucking demon that feeds off women, he will take you and isolate you from everyone making is so there is only him, then he will start treating you like shit making you feel wothless and horrible, makes you believe your the worst person in the world when in reality its him, he is the monster. Thats what those kind of people do. In order to make themsleves feel good they must put down others.

I could be dating a world famous super star and he would find something bad to say about him, just in order to make himself feel better. He is scum.


I got off topic there, I was trying to talk about how I can't seem to date anyone and then I started talking about B or as I call him Cancer. I am over it, I just got reminded of him the other day when Sammi told me about how him and her talked for a week and the whole week all he talked about was me, kinda made me feel good, I hope he misses me, I was the best thing he ever had and he fucked it up and that's too damn bad. He hurt me one to many times and now I just don't care.

See that's my problem, I like assholes, and at the same time I don't.

I need to find a happy meduim between mean and nice. I can't date a needy pussy, all these sesentive mamma's boys make me sick.

What sucks is I did meet someone who I kinda like but it will never happen, Sigh.

Even if I am single for the rest of my life I will be ok with it, as it is I am ok with it now.

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