Well I am super glad sitdiary is finally back up and running, I feel like this site has been down forever. I used to write in this almost everyday and since it went awaqy I have filled up like two joirnals. CRAZY!!! WEll I was looking at my last post on herr and well to be honest, thing have gone from wonderful to horrible back to wonderful and are now thing are pretty much just BLAH!

Like honestly I just don't know anymore, I feel like my life is just one endless day. I have worked my ass off the past two years and have nothing to show for it. Not just with work amd school but with friends and relationships as well. It rerally freaking sucks actually. Maybe if I wasent such a F up things would be better. But yea,,, apparently I am and will forever be 2nd best. For awhile there I really though I could be "someones" number one, but who the hell am I kidding? WEll these eyes are open now. I was just being a fool like always.

WHY would things be different? It'd the same story just a different book, always and forever, its time for me work. I need to learn to not be sucj a loser and then maybe people will actually want to hang out with me and not use me, I have been going to the hym everyday I'm trying really hard to get the body I want. I feel like maybew just maybe if i am happy with myself for once things might fall into place,

This depression needs to take a hike tho. I am so sick and tired of feeling so bad anout myself. I'm sick of feeling hurt, I think I am just more mad at myself then anything. I let myself believe I ment something to someone. Silly girl, he dosen't care. He never did. I was just there to fill a void till he got the one he wanted back. Silly girl.

Its safe to say its not guys its me. This sort of thing keeps happening to me every single time I fall for someone, everytime. Clearly its me not them. I must find out what the hell I am doing wrong and change it. I have to become a better person. I'm trying, its just so hard.