It makes me sad that you will never realize all the times when I have been there for you, it hurts to know that you only focus on the bad things, that you don't even remember all the nice things I have done for you without even giving it a second thought, never even expecting anything in return, All the times where I have let things go, all the times where I have kept my mouth shut, letting you hurt me, all the times where I had no reason to apologize but still did. It makes me so mad to know that non of that was good enough, that it was all just expected of me, no sign of appreciation whatsoever. It makes me so very sad that the few times that I needed help I got brushed off, I got forgotten, was never shown the compassion that I gave to you.

But the worst part is that I still have this love for you, I still wake up every morning and think of you, I fight back the need to talk to you, I fight the anger, I fight the pain, I fight the sadness, I try so hard not to show any of this to anyone. I hide my feelings. I act like its no big deal, but it is. You will never know nor will you ever believe this. Even with all the pain you have caused me, even after all the tears I still want you to be happy, I wish you the best and hope that one day things will be good for you, that maybe one day you wont be so unhappy and be so jaded, that you will see that not everyone is out to get you. I don't have it in me to hate you, I don't have it in me to laugh at your pain. All the time where you have needed me even if I was upset with you, I was there. But that was never returned. I have and always will be on the bottom of your list and pretty much everyone elses as well.

I do have one wish tho, I wished you never told me all those lies, telling me how I am "the perfect girl" how hot I am how pretty I am, the dream girl, you filled my heads with these delusions, when they were not true, if they were I would not be rejected as much I am, you would not treat me the way you do if that was true. You would of dated me, the others would of dated me. WHY? Why did you have to say all that stuff? I don't understand, You say that everyone thinks that about me, NO!!!! it's not ture and never was.

If it was true, I would not be treated like such crap by all these guy, I would not be turned down, I would not be rejected. I just don't get it. I am not any of those things. And that is what hurts as well, I actually believed it.

I just don't know anymore, maybe this is how it's suppose to be, I deserve to be alone.