I'm little happier today. Although everything bugs the hell out of me. Like I was happier when I changed the appearance on the computer in 1st block. Silly things make me happy now. Maybe I was bored or this is just a good day. I do live a boring life. If only I had something to do everyday. Its like the same thing everyday. And I write, get on the net, take a shower, and then go to bed. Everyday after I watch all of my shows. Same outfits each week. Its so boring. I think thats one of the reasons I'm depressed most of the time. I think I only dream that I'm okay. I lie to myself. And now I feel bad again. "scarred soul, twisted and free. save me from myself." There was a month that I stop cutting entirely. And now only 3 days. Is it just when everything is overwhelming? Or just when I'm bored and I've got nothing else? I don't understand why I would do something like this to myself. "cut out my heart...and..laugh it all away..." --I stare death in the face and it laugh. He says, "If I ever dare fall into his month he'll spit me out".-- "cut my heart out of me, b/c it scars my soul..."