Titles of song for my journal entrys are lame I know but I love the song. It finally downloaded on Kazaa. No, I don't have porn yet! Well I'm doing a lot better. I woke up as you may say. I need to stop depending on others to tell me "oh you're so cute" "don't kill yourself" and shit that I need to hear. I need a break from my own life and worrys. But I'm only 18 I have my whole fucking life ahead of me what am I complaining about? I just need to work out things on my own. I'm sorry about a letter I wrote today. I hate dragging people with me but I do it. I did actually feel happy this afternoon I tired on pants (small thighs) in Wal*Mart and got a sub from Mama Nois (whatever)... And I talked about this movie we're watching in English and Mrs. Chapman fastforward through the male full frontal I was upset b/c the only time I see that in movies is porn and it's nothing to brag about (hairy balls). I'd like more porn.. HAHA I need money first. Where to buy the porn? No idea. I know where to rent it but not where to buy. I'm trying to put the death of my step-mom behind me. Way back there. It's working and I won't cry if I only can not listen to two songs Runaway Train by Soul Asylum and I would die for you by Garbage. And if I don't try to write Jeff back right now. I'll write him a letter when I'm more okay. Hopefully this w/e will be good.--