It seems like nothing matters anymore. It's all downhill from here. I'll be getting no help in March. No one thinks I'm really depressed besides my mom. So I guess I do have to help myself from now on. I just be okay overnight. It doesn't work that way. I wish I was strong enough to put a handle on this but it doesn't seem like I am strong at all. I've come to except it though. I was suppose to call a few people but I'm too god damn lazy. I don't want contact with anything human or happy. I just want to stay in my room by myself and cry some more. I had another break down. I'm not trusted anymore b/c of one mistake I made a few months ago. I don't look at it as a mistake but that's my opinion which doesn't matter either. I should just forget trying to think or talk or anything. I'm all wrong anyway. I should just shut the fuck up.--