I got the rest of my cds back. I'm thinking about if I want to stop cutting or what. I don't know yet. It sounds so simple but its not. No one has noticed the cuts on my wrist under my bracelets. I'm pretty lucky so far so I'm not going to tell my parents or even talk to any of my friends about it besides Britt. She's the only one who knows. Besides Joseph and he ignores it b/c it plays with safety pins and needles. In other words he doesn't see what I'm doing as wrong. I guess not he hasn't said anything. I still feel like I shouldn't be living. Wasting space on this earth that could make someone that deserves it really happy. Its too late for me to be happy. I'm just giving up. I just don't want to die yet. But do I really deserve to live when I believe that I should die? Tell me this life gets easier. Or tell me those lies I love to hear. I might be happy. I want to date someone before I die. I have to make out a will and stuff. I planned my own suicide.--