I have to go to the stupid store..A update in order when I have returned!-- I am back Miss.Pickle Queen herself. Sharon actually has to drop out and go to the community college to finish her senior year. It really sucks b/c I'll miss her so much. Wow these past days have been great. I love being around Dean. He makes me feel good about myself. Like I'm perfect. I'm not doing that thing where I find so many stupid things wrong with him. I really can't find anything wrong with him. I think I found all of those wrong things in other people so I wouldn't get hurt. But I know with all of my heart that Dean won't hurt me. I'm really the happiest I've ever been. I think about him so often. Its like eariler I was watching t.v. and every time someone said how much they cared about the person they were with or something my heart melted. I love what me and Dean have no one can possibly take that away from us. I'm planning on a future with him b/c I don't see anyone else I'd rather be with or have kids with. (In the future of course) But there is seriously no one that has made me feel this way. Every day I just want to be around him until all of my stupid little habits get on his nerves. I want to give my soul to him. In return I want his of course. I just can't explain this feeling. Its like when I think about him I feel it in my body. I just know this is right. This relationship is the best thing I've ever done. Its the most important thing ever. And I can never mess this up. Not like I do all of the other times. I also took me and brandon's prom pic off my wall and tore it into bits. I could have burned it like I usually do but I'm going to do the other pictures like that. I look ugly in all of them anyway. I never thought I'd get another chance to love someone. Everyone had been compared to my first b/f Jon. Back when it was puppy love. But he knew me. But now I don't even try to compare Dean to anyone. He is perfect. And I love him. Dean is like no other person in the world. He might have flaws but I don't see them. Well sometimes I might do stupid stuff and he doesn't like them and I get all sad b/c I don't want him mad or upset with me. I want to be perfect for him. Sometimes I don't think its possible but I'm going to try. But I did something really stupid. I drank a little this w/e. I'm fine but it kinda upsets me b/c I'm scared I'll go back and be what I was before. I'm not yet but I'm going to stop anyway. But I just wanted that feeling again. Of being drunk. It was great and I'm over it. Its not cool anymore. I feel like if I'm going to be in a relationship with Dean I don't need to drink. I feel like its some sort of dishonor on my part. Its been bugging me all w/e and I lied to him and said I was ok. But I wasn't. I should have talked to him. But I didn't want to make him mad. I'm ok now. I love you, Dean. I hope you know that I really love you!--