I've been thinking about all the other guys that obviously weren't good enough. And I think about how either they screwed up or I screwed it up for them. I've grown a lot through the years and I'm learning more and more about myself every day. I know what path to follow in life I just don't know how to get there yet and I haven't quite made it there either. Life is a very slow process. It will take me sometime to get everything in order. I know even right now that me and Lee can be together for a long time. I mean we both have growing to do but I know in time everything falls right where it's suppose to be. And now I do actually believe my life has some purpose that I wasn't just put here to be depressed and to fail. I was created for some reason. I don't know what that reason is but I'm starting to realize life happens no matter how bad it is..... shit happens. It's just our choice of how we deal with everything. There's a lot in my past that I know if things we're different and I didn't have loving people around me and my strong will power I wouldn't have made it this far. I would have gave everything up for someone else, they would have won; not me. This is my life and I control my future. It's not for anyone else to control. Life is filled with two-way streets, dead-end roads, bumps and curves. We just have to learn along the way of how to deal with everything we're given or thrown. I've figured out a lot by living my life so far. I know I have a lot to learn. But what no one understands is I've been through shit, I've seen hell. I've been up so close to hell I felt the fire burn my skin. I'll tell you one thing me and my best friend both have seen our own share of hell, we're still living. It's been hard but we have found a way to get through everything together. And I know there are going to be things in the future that we're going to either get from or give to someone else. We're bound to do great things together. And we have men with us to help us when we fall just like we've picked up each other every time before. We're growing up and living. I just want people to have some idea that there's more to life that just the bullshit. More to life than 'she said, he said', more than who's screwing who or who wants to, more than rumors, more than the pay check you bring home, more than the things at your job, more than anger, more than fusisng, more than everything. There are things in life that leave your heart in a million pieces and leaves your soul rotted. Things you can't just fix with forgetting or ignoring. Life is deeper than what you see on the surface. Just wait and think before you say certain things to people. You might hurt them if you don't understand what they've been through. Just remember there is always someone who has it worse than you and always someone who has it better.--