May 12, 2004 7:56 pm People try to figure you out. But when they can't; Is it ok for them to get mad and not talk to you anymore? By this are we actually telling them to give up? And by making it hard do we make it a game? Thinking and doing has always when two different things for me and now its one in the same. I kissed this straight girl, Markie, but it wasn't like it was understood I could kiss her. She excepted it and walked off. I was there left with my stupidity and self assurence that maybe she would have kissed me back. But I'm no guy so I guess that ruins any chance of her kissing me. I do have a secret boy toy, Ryan. Yes, I am bisexual I've just been lying to myself this whole time. I just can't get over the sadness in it all. Everyone knew and I was too stuck in what I should be then what I wanted to be. Jon may think I did that whole thing just so I wouldn't have to date him. At times I think I did but I also did before so it wasn't about him at all. It was my own self doubt and stupidity (again). Now since I've said I'm bisexual everything seems so clearer and I'm happier. I do love bisexual guys. Oh so hot. Shhh, everyone thinks I'm all weird but I'm not its what I like. I can't help what makes me happy. Even if me and Ryan (my boy toy) don't date I'll still love it b/c we love to flirt. He won't date anyone b/c he cheats and I do too so it doesn't matter. I didn't cheat on Samantha, Matt, or Jon (mainly b/c I didn't have time to). I cheated on Danielle twice. (haha) Don't worry she knows. Hopefully some day I'll settle down and be in a serious relationship but now I'm just dating around. I want to be free I'm getting tired of being held down by everyone. I so want to kiss my boy toy!!--