I cut myself last night. It was so deep. I need it more and more. I feel ashamed. Daddy took my cds away and now I only have to radio. It sucks but I'll survive. My parents are getting me someone professional to talk to. I know I need help. I want help so bad. (Call me today Brittney we'll plan to do something if your parents don't mind. I need to visit someone, go swimming in my pool, or do anything b/c I've need to spend time with someone.) Down to one, Just to it, So clear, As to what I want, Need, Open me up and find out, Unjumble my thoughts, Make me understand, For everyday I'm lost, Its still wide open, Let me see inside of you, Maybe it different than mine, Painic shock and I freak out, Can I end now with last words, Help me God for I have sinned. Another poem: Hide it all away, Let nothing stand by itself, I can't cut now, Too much intervense, I can't seem to be everything you want, I'm not perfect, So don't treat me like you think I should be, Let nothing bother you, Be here always, I need you too much for you to walk away, Please just be here make me stop, I don't need this cutting, Although I'm so bored with the same cuts, I crave new ones, The blood that makes the cut sting, Feeling of impowerment, Deep thought gone forever, Just boredom with strong words, Creativity gone forever, Burning soul with no pain at all, No understanding, So much judgement, Anger and black holes we can all hide in, I'm crazy lets call it a day, Sociaity at its best, Glamorous 90lb models, For everyone to look at and judge, God diets everyone needs, Take it away and use it for an agruement, Government rotting our minds, Taking our money to shit on, Live today like you don't give a damn, B/c I surely don't, Too much to worry about already, I need so excuses or anything to justify your actions, Never say woulda shoulda coulda, You'll die before you live, An apple a day gives you worms, Support systems and numbers to call, Only when I feel helpless, Well duck tape the damn phone to my ear already, Oh yeah don't ever say god damn, B/c god damnit I'll be god damned to hell, Yea I'm just so scared, Stupid scare tactics, B/c everyone is stupid anyway, Damn stupid fuckers, I think I might call this a GOD DAMN DAY! Wrote last night after I cut: I guess I just broke and got tired of not doing it. I missed it and couldn't fight off the erge. I'm kinda depressed now and I need to talk to a friend not my parents. I don't want them to be disappointed in me. And I can't explain it well enough to even talk about it. I just hate myself now or just what I've became. I think I was just made at myself for some reason. I just don't know why. Smoking a cigarette feels so good now. I feel sick and psycho. This one will definally leave a scar. I have to be honest about it. Ok maybe someday. I'm so worried that I might die. I'm shaking..... I called Olivia she said I need to tell my parents what happened. It might be the worse cut I've ever had. I don't understand why sometimes. I just can't explain it. I gave the razor blade to daddy I'm getting fucking tired of looking at it. Why am I so stupid? How can I be so damn stupid. Just to think I could quit with that damn thing in my room.