"You can't go now" Hold me close, Don't shy away, Be everything; To me and more, Please just stay here, As I slip away, Dritfing off, To fly away, As a bird I take flight, With you by my side, I'll never fall, Stay here in case; I need you, Right by my side, Never to fade away..... I wrote that poem last night. I really like it. Its to oh you guessed it, Dean. For the first time I am really happy. I'm not going to night school monday. I told mom b/c I was so tired. Really I got wrote up. I can't be talking so much. It seems like every time I say anything the teacher (bitch) is right behind me. Damn shit. Anyway, I have been being really tired lately. Mrs. Ransom counselor at school called daddy. Of course he took up for me and him and mom both loved my Mr. Blobman. I have really thought about suicide you all know that. Would I do it? Nope. I seen a dead bird today. It made me really sad. Poor bird. I want to bury it but I don't have a little shovel. Too bad. He was so cute. So helpless with his eyes closed. There was no blood and I don't think he suffered any. Now I really don't want to die. I'd suffer too much. I think I'm going to stop cutting since I can't hide it anymore and b/c I don't deserve to feel pain. Not for my satisfaction. Pain should be for others who don't like it as much as I do. I love the blood dripping from my cuts. Its freedom. I do think I'll miss it but I don't care. Maybe I can start taking everything everyone calls me. It all hurts so much. I cried last night. I layed in the shower and the water ran over me. I layed there so helpless. Wanting someone to save me. I couldn't scream out to anyone. I don't believe in God b/c of everyone. If he was real nothing like this life would ever be mine. It would be someone else's that really could take it all. I can't take this shit right now. I'm getting tired of hiding. It really hurts to hide here all alone. I think I will be happy and everyone else will be happy when I'm gone.--