I don't understand why this happens at the times when I'm feeling the most optimistic, the most blessed, and the most in love. I feel like simply freaking out on him. I don't see why I'm being put through this at times. I feel like I've done nothing but sit and listen to him. He says one thing over and over and over again to the point where I forget how scary his words are, and I start to believe him and feel that it's okay. And once I start believing him, he says something to make me feel like I've been lied to. And now I'm really scared. I don't think he understands what I'm going through now. I feel like my ears are being worn, I'm becoming deaf from having to listen to him. And my heart is being stretched to fit all of his words, and then suddenly, and for no reason, he seems to take it all back with a simple statement. Now I feel like I've been trying to make myself strong for him. But I see how pointless that is. I love him more than anything, more than I can even describe or have the strength to try and explain. I don't know what this means.