so i guess technically speaking, jake broke up with me last night. i'm doing okay, just hoping that he gets what he wants out of this. he told me he'd like to be my friend when he's ready but if i get a new boyfriend, he won't be able to be my friend anymore. to me, it's all whatever. if i get a new boyfriend someday i most likely will be away at college and maybe by then it will be easy to let go. right now it isn't that easy. i was feeling rather pathetic last night, it seemed like i was the only one holding on and i was just kind of let go. i hate that feeling. but for right now, i have a lot i need to think about, and i can't sit and dwell on this even though it is and has been one of the most important aspects of my life for the past two years. i think if he was reading this, he'd understand why i need to focus on other things. that's what he's trying to do himself, and at such a busy time in my life, i have no choice. if i were to wallow alone, curled up in a ball on my bed, nothing would get done.

i'm still missing him a lot though, even right now. i'm going to see him in a week and then at my party but i've never had to treat an ex like a friend before. last time we tried that, we just ended up relapsing.