today was such a stressful day. i hate this time, where everything makes me angry and sad. it embarrasses me. i'm feeling better now. i have a lot of homework to do though. i have been reading about slavery for the past month. and i don't think i can handle it anymore. not only would i rather read about something happier, but my english teacher is obsessed with assigning a hundred pages of reading a weekend and i don't want to be desensitized to it all. reading so much from the nineteenth century is also leading to my thinking and talking more formal and old-fashioned and it's awkward for all involved. ha, okay, that's an exaggeration. i'm exhausted by schoolwork. it shouldn't be my life. i wish i signed up for easy classes for my senior year. at moments like this, i feel like i shouldn't be pushing myself so hard when i already have almost all my credits. but i know better than that, and i'll be glad to have learned all that i will by the end of my high school career. graduation seems close to me for some reason. and then i remember i have a year left. it's hard to remember that though when i'm getting ten letters a day from colleges and emails from universities across the nation. why won't they just leave me alone! aside from all of this, i've been thinking of him all day like i usually do. i miss him, though i just saw him yesterday. i feel like i haven't seen him in forever. ahhhh