to be misunderstood

by frostedfire
Listening to: jake saying words
Feeling: natural
this day has been so long. i've thought about a lot. debated a bit today with some strangers. it was interesting. i feel better about that. i feel closer. i want to sleep, but i don't want to sleep. not yet. i think im always anxious and scared that i'll miss something. i haven't been able to get out of this habit of staying up late. luckily for me there is always something to do. always someone to converse with. i have been trying to think of something to do. there isn't really much though that i can do that's different. that's new and shows signs of potential. no. i don't know. i want to read more poetry.
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(it wouldn't let my comment be any longer and I wasn't done...lol) But it's Like you can lead a horse to water but can not make him drink. sort of thing. My roommate to me is like family but when she's upset about something she doesn't want to talk. I can tell when she seem with drawn and somethings wrong but I can not force her to talk and must respect the fact that perhaps she just wants to be left alone for a while.
I hope that everything for you gets better soon. But regardless I think that you will be able to make it though all of this is will make you a very strong person in the end.
If you need anything I will be here to help.
XXX
How your grandmother is, is how my Aunt has been for a while now as well so I completely understand some people in my family joke about she just won't die. I mean most of it's joking but there is a little truth in the statement because it's hard to watch someone you love have death scares over and over again.
as for the two funerals perhaps it will just be one at a time give you some time to deal with the loss of losing one before the second one hits. But I understand completely I can't contemplate the internal battle you go though constantly.
My mom's mom died a little bit ago so i understand that feeling. You really only need to be strong for her though the process of the
funeral that's when it hits are it gets better after that.
As for you cousin the only thing you really can do at this point is if she needs you there to be there. I know it's hard b/c she's family and like your best friend but you can't force yourself on someone who at that point doesn't want your help.