i don't know what to do with myself. it's hard to admit but a huge part of me feels relieved that it's all over. the rest of me is sad. very very sad. so i say to myself, maybe this time will give me a chance to reflect, prioritize, and figure out what i'm searching for in life. even if it's not him, i know i'll always want him near. my best friend. i feel guilty and i feel like he hates me, but i know how he feels. i've felt it many times before. i just prepared myself for this one. that's why i'm not falling apart again.