so, last night was partly a success. except for the kids that walked out and demanded refunds. i told them they just took 35 cups of food from the hungry. but i guess their apathy overwhelmed their altruism. well, lack there of actually..

i'm tired of all of the superficial people in the world, wasting their time caring about things that will never bring them the happiness they desire. not enough people realize that to receive you have to give. too many people spend their time doing whatever they want to do and not using whatever time they do have left helping others or working towards something greater than what they have now. people need to stop settling.

aside from the apathy and criticisms i've had to deal with for the past month, i have new things to deal with. as if the stresses of college and seniority and adulthood weren't enough, my grandmother is dying and my mother is freaking out.

my grandmother is dying. she's as thin as a twig, she weighs less than i do. she used to terrify me. she still did scare me for a long time, until she was diagnosed with emphysema.

i don't understand why people smoke. i know this topic is completely overrated because we've all heard it before. but my nana died of emphysema, my grammy is dying of emphysema, my papou was diagnosed with lung cancer months ago, and my dad doesn't need a diagnosis to know..

it's not cool to have tar-coated lungs and less years with the people you love. though it may sound cool to say "bummin a ciggy" and though it may look cool to puff out some smoke rings for show, it's really just a waste of time in the end.

if everyone who thinks it's cool had to listen to my grandmother wheezing and coughing up handfuls of phlegm because the cigarette smoke burnt the cilia out of her windpipe, then maybe they'd think twice.

i wish my grandmother still terrified me. she's now the stereotypical image of an elderly, confused, frail old woman. she likes to talk about celebrity drama and Avon and tell old stories that we've all heard over fifty times. but we still sit and listen to them again for her.