i know it's not ever safe to depend on anyone or one's self too much in any situaion, but lately i've been working hard to be strong and depend on that strength. he's right. he's always been better at staying calm than i have. in the beginning, i never got angry, but i get frustrated easier this time around only because i feel we should be over this right now. and so, it makes me sad to know that we still have some old problems to deal with. it makes me feel weak and pathetic. especially when i don't see this as a problem. i've been living my own life for a while now. and i honestly don't think that i was ever as piiful as he makes me feel sometimes. i believe that many people could relate to me or could have. if only they'd been there at the time. --- so sometimes it does feel like my emotions melt away and leave me bare. maybe out of exhaustion or confusion. either way, i feel scared when i'm like this, like i need to disguise myself before someone realizes that im just a small, confused robot at the moment. i'm not really like this.