i love my "book." what a clever illusion. the thing i hate most about myself is how some days i can take it all, and other days i can't and it just gets to me so much that i know i am feeling mean feelings. i feel very happy when i really think of him and us. i'm glad that i made a point not to expect much from us. i just never wanted to get my hopes up or admit that i was hoping for all of this, though deep down i was. but living in the moment and forgetting about what the future could hold really makes things better in my opinion because all of these feelings are such a pleasant surprise. i love it. i don't want the good surprises to ever stop popping out at me.