i'm not sure what makes me happy these days. i hate wanting to want something. it's got to be the most irritating desire there ever was, and it always seems to have the least potential of ever being fulfilled. i believe that the only reason i am able to go most of the day without thinking about him or getting upset over him is because i keep feeling like things haven't changed. there are so many times where i feel like calling him mine, and i have to remind myself that i can't anymore. whenever i'm on autopilot though, i forget.