so two days ago, i felt this change. probably one of my least favorite feelings ever because i didn't know what it meant. maybe i just worry too much but times like these make me doubt the things i felt most sure about even an hour earlier. i told him about how it made me feel and he apologized, explained himself, and i understand. but i can't forget that feeling. i don't feel it now or anything. i'm extremely happy with him and i was very happy last night. yesterday was overall a good day to me. i didn't finish my homework, and not because i forgot but because i simply decided not to do it. i was too happy to waste my time on things like that, and i was consumed in the idea of sharing my happiness with him, building off of each other. --- now im not sure how i feel about this. things seem different, things seem the same. i feel better and yet i see things clearer. i feel like i know i should be trying a different approach but i lack the time or energy to construct a plan. im just going to wait and do the little things i've been doing. i feel good about it, but i can't change whether or not i am helping or needed at all. i don't feel that i am, but i understand if i'm not. and im trying to convince myself that i am okay with that. i feel like i am, but that's just because the charade is working. im still wishing for something more, and it's so pathetic. --- sometimes i feel i am in denial. others i feel like i'm being the most honest with myself that i have ever been throughout my entire life. i wish my feelings were consistent. it's not for me or anyone else to have to constantly dissect what my thoughts and emotions are telling me. they can't possibly change this often. why do i feel like they do?