since that night, everything changed for the better. so much better. i think i understood him more. i think he began to try harder. and we did it, we just clicked. the day after that, when i asked how he was, he said he was great. i felt so happy i wanted to cry. him just being good was a miracle. and he promised me that even after i left, he wouldn't let anything bring him down and ruin his day and night. and he didn't. he stayed strong. he's so beautiful when he's happy. everyday following that, sure he would have his human moments of weakness, but barely. he was reassuring to me, to himself, and i beleved him. he had a wonderful birthday. he was so happy. he was glowing. and i spent the night with him again, and we were relaxed and content. and despite my dull, disappointment of a weekend without him, he had the strength to cheer me up. he cared enough to do so, and was carefree enough about his stresses to put effort into freeing me from mine. so thoughtful. i spent the day with him yesterday here at home. it felt so old, so new. i loved every minute of it, and i miss him so much. ____ i must be going out of my mind tonight to think that something is going wrong. i just asked him how he is, and he said he's great. i guess i got worried. i read too much into things again. plus i was watching the war of the roses, which is pretty much the complete opposite of a reassuring movie. i must have faith. i've seen such a turn around. and it's going to stay this way. he is going to stay strong. i love him. more than anything. i've done so much for him to get us to where we are, and he knows this and he tells me and i feel so grateful. it's such a relief, such a blessing. i love him so much. i can't put it into words.