when i really think about it all, there has never really been a time where i knew what i wanted. the only difference is that now, i need to decide. there's no putting it off. we can all just say, i never asked for this. but when you really think about it, what do we EVER ask for? there's very little that we can control. people never asked to fall in love, to fall out of love, to meet someone, to find a friend, to lose a loved one, to be loved, to be hated, or to feel. i don't see why i can't feel the way i want to feel. if they're my feelings, then i should be able to control them. i should be able to decide how i want to feel. it's so strange how this part of me, in my conscience or my mind or my soul, my whatever, seems to be making the decisions for me. or at this point, making me sweat it out.