i woke up and now i can't fall back asleep. i try and every worry i have, every responsibility and stressor comes rushing to the forefront and they're all i can think about. i'm worrying too much. i'm thinking about getting a job, doing my SATs again, finishing my college applications, choosing my colleges, getting the right independent study courses, and i'm even worrying about graduation. what if i need to make a speech? what will i say? trying to fall back asleep, i end up trying to write my speech in my head. my mind is rushing me, but i know i have time. i don't even know if i will need to be writing a speech. probably not, but who knows. when it comes to getting a job, there are plenty of places to work. thing is, i'll need to walk to and from wherever i end up working. i grabbed some applications from orange julius yesterday. i wouldn't mind working there but i might also try places like subway or mardens. some place close. it's going to be a pain walking to work on hot days. it's going to be a pain when the season turns cold. and i'm not sure if i'll be able to handle having a job and managing all of my school work. i have three AP courses this year and then photography which takes a lot of dedicated time outside of class. i'll have to work on my studying habits and somehow manage to have time with my friends as well. i wish things were a bit better with him upon starting my senior year. i don't want us to fall apart all because i have all these things i need to do. if he's willing, or if his parents will allow him, he can come visit me whenever i'm free. hopefully he'll be as willing as i would be. i hope to see him today. i'm rambling because i'm tired...