today was a very long day. i woke up determined, like i had something i had to do. but there was nothing. i got a hug today. that was nice. i felt needed for some part of the day, and that was nice too. for the second half of my school day, i felt out of it. i felt like no one understood that the reason i wasn't talking much was because i had other things going on. i grew tired of people saying "just be happy" like it's that easy. honestly, it can be easy, but if i'm getting this advice from someone who is not understanding me or trying to understand me, it just doesn't work. i know he was trying to help and he did. i feel better now that it's over with, at least for tonight. when he tells me to smile, i can listen, because i know he's saying it for my own good. i love him and i miss him i love and miss her too. this is all so hard, especially for her. i can't wait for all of this to heal over.