my mom is so happy lately. i love it. and she tried to help me out and valerie out, because we both have our problems. she took us for a drive, took me to hannie's to get some more couscous and to borders. it was nice. she also bought me hot chocolate which i drank in 80 degree weather blissfully. it's so weird all of these sudden changes. i've decided that i am impossible to satisfy when i am worrying like this because nothing helps. i worry when he's bad that he will give in. i worry when he's good that he already has given in. i worry, worry, worry, worry.. i talked to him a bit about it all. he was being a bit understanding. and he sounded a bit better overall. but only a bit. i don't want to give up on him, on us. my mom doesn't fully understand but i know what she means when she says to me, "you need to take care of yourself too". i know that's true. she tells me i care too much, that i get it from her. i can see why she would say that. she's always trying to help people! but i don't know if i'm quite as righteous as her. i'm just worrisome. i just miss it all. i get sad. i cry on and off all the time not only because of my worrying and anxiety but also because of my memories. i will pray. he will pray. we will pray. we will be okay. i worry so much though that i can physically feel the anxiety. it's as if there is a rock in my chest, dead center. agh. but this too shall pass.