this is probably the most vicious cycle i've ever witnessed let alone been stuck in. i don't want to waste time because the stretch seems too risky, but holding on to each other seems to have failed us as well. so, we go back and forth and up and down and i see things one way while you see them another way, and with in a matter of weeks, the tables will turn and i will see things how you once saw them and you will feel how i once felt. but by then, it's too late. you treat me the way i do because you've lost that feeling. if i am sad or upset and i show it in any way (a tone in my voice, a gesture, a sigh), you have no patience. you simply attack. i remember the days, the weeks, the months of our relationship when if i was down or sad or angry, you didn't attack me. you didn't sigh in impatience and roll your eyes at my feelings. you simply listened. and you did it so well. these days, you immediately conclude that whatever is wrong with me probably has to do with you and us, and so you give up caring and pretend to care instead. but i can see right through the charade. you always think i'm angry. you think every movement i make is a gesture in anger. and because you think that i always have a tone with you, you tell me it's like you're walking on egg shells around me. i see it the other way. if i were upset because, for example, my mom flipped out on me, and you called and you could hear the anger in my voice but you didn't know the reason behind it, you would immediately "try to help" by asking me what's wrong in the most insensitive and impatient tone i'd ever have heard. i get this a lot from you. the last huge argument we had, you flipped out on me and attacked me, why? because when i went to give you a hug, i sighed and put my head on your shoulder..."in the wrong way". that's how it is with you. little things, the littlest things piss you off. things i sometimes can't control because i'm human and i have natural tendencies for when i'm angry or stressed or sad just like everyone else does and you are unforgiving to all of them. you never give me the benefit of the doubt or a chance to improve, or if you do, it's restricted. you never just let me be angry. whatever happened to letting out your emotions and not bottling them up? you can't handle it when i try to express my built up frustration or when i try to vent because you take it all as an attack and you fight me back when in all honesty, your fighting with me is the absolute last thing i need. it hurts, it doesn't help. what can i say. you've changed. i'm not the only one who sees it. you know you need to work on yourself. you apologized a million times over, tears streaming down your face. and i believed that at that moment, you truly were fed up with yourself. you wanted to be right again. but that was only for a moment, and you will soon forget how determined you felt until the next time we have a blow out all because i hug you wrong. ___ I love you still.