im going to be as honest as i can be right now. saying whatever i feel however i feel it.

when im talking to anyone else i can easily vent about how guys and guys and they will drool over any and all girls but when im talking to him about shit like that i have to fight myself to remain calm. i know that when you tell me about hwo two of your best friends got jumped by three girls at a concert and it was "ridiculous" i feel like what you mean is that it was awesome and a huge part of me panics with teh idea that you wish you were single so you could let yourself be jumped like that. not to mention the fact that there is no warnign for girls like that and if any of them layed a hand on you i feel like youd think shit that was awesome but im not single and now im going to relish that tonight with my buddies and then tomorrow fight myself over whether or not to tell my girlfriend. why am i so neurotic? and why am i freaking out over thigns that havent happened? why do i think its shitty that your friend cabe (who liked/perhaps still likes my sister) got his first "kiss" last night when some random chick pounced on him. maybe i think thats sad because i wanted his first kiss to be with my sister. how sweet woudl that have been. oh well. and then the other reason its shitty because yet again another girl is pouncing on guys. fucking whores.

i panic over the idea of you wanting to fuck around with other girls. if we were broken up id probably still puke if i had to know shit like that. fuck. and then i wonder about myself. do i want to fuck around with other guys? i dont but i mean if i really think about it is there a part of me that wants to be single? i dont feel it so much anymore. last term i did want to be single but it was mroe for me to get away from all guys not to find new ones. sometimes i am afraid you're jealous of your friends for having the freedom to kiss whom ever they damn well please. do you want to get in bed with other girls and see what they're like