My hadrdrive crashed today during sixth hour. Must have been the pressure of the math test I am afraid I did poorly on and Ms. Cox's fantastic idea of writing an in-class essay over how the Jacksonian Democracy was a continuation of the Jeffersonian Democracy. Sounds alright, but she is so damned confusing about how she wants things. Anyhow, I walked out of the class furious (even more so since I got another test back from her- C-)So, I wasn't happy. Far from it actually. It's the clash of upcoming finals and everyone around me being so anal about their damned grades. Anyhow, I broke down. I drove to my mom's office and almost made it without tears, but failed in the end. I realize how stupid it is to cry over school, but it wasn't really school I was crying about. It was life. It was everyone around me working so hard for thier futures and making it seem like these tests and grades depicted what sort of life we lived. It isn't so, but then why does school make it seem like that? I hate it when teachers tell you "We're preparing you for college" or "We're preparing you for the real world." Every grade I've ever been in has been just preparation for the next. And if this isn't the real world, what the hell is it? The Matrix? Bloody assholes. Anyway, on a much lighter note, mum and i got my flute out of "instrument hospital". And we got Carvel ice cream because mum believes chocolate and ice cream is the cure for everything. I'm surprised my family isn't obese. o.O So mum and I talked and here's my deal: Next week is finals. If I can survive that, I'll get a chance to breathe again. I have all weekend to study (oh, joy -.-). Mum says that sometimes in this world, you just have to clamp down and do it no matter how much it hurts. So, I have to knuckle down this weekend and memorize the facts. I can do it. It's just going to take a hell of a lot of motivation and self control. Tonight I have to go to pep band for the basketball game. I don't really want to go but mum says I need to get out more. She told me to invite the boys over afterwards. Isn't that funny? Most mums are worried about their daughters being with boys, but not me mum! PS- sorry about the ridiculously long entries and the number of them. But please understand that I have withdrawels from writing and not the time (or mind capacity) to really sit down and plot out a story, so this is my place to relieve all that. I also have to make-up for the lack of talking I do. Au revoir. Carrie