Tonight made me very sad. I'm okay now, but an hour or so ago, I wasn't. Our football team lost the game, the very important game that would send them to state. Our last time ever marching the show is now over and done with and it was horrible. I had to conduct first movement and totally F-ed it up and that alone made me upset with myself. And when I tried to put a good face on and all, something else would just knock into and slap the smile right off my face. One person in particular really put me in a bad mood, and another person in particular somehow managed to recover the night for me. Anyway, my female-hormone-driven mind put me to tears on the bus ride home, thinking of all the horrible thoughts I've been pushing out of my head lately and reminding me of things I'm better off ignoring. And it makes me sour to know that somewhere, someone is reading this saying, "Oh shut up, you have everything, you have no idea what it feels like to be where I am." The thought upsets me so much it almost makes me laugh. You're right. I have no idea. My life is perfect. Let me remind you of that and tell you thus: The season taditions commenced on Thanksgiving (a wonderful holiday, I assure you, spent around an enormous table with about 14 family members and friends and the best tasting thanks-giving meal I can ever remember). Today, the day after, my family went for our family portrait for our Christmas cards and then to lunch at Cheesecake Factory. It was a really nice morning/afternoon and the pictures turned out pretty good. One of them is a really fun one of us posing all tough-like and we look straight off of Soprano's. Mom agrees--I look like Meadow. Anyhow, that was that. The game was a bummer the show was a major downer but life will go on. One for the memory bank: After the game, we marching down the track to exit the stadium and this was after the players had gone, the fans were dwindling away and all but gone, none was there except us, marching in silence without the drum taps. I looked up at the glowing scoreboard as we passed it just in time to see the lights go out. And I think it hit me then that that was the last time I'd be marching. It was like the dimming of that scoreboard put a final end to four years of memories. Carrie