I'm lost in the mind's trap; a web of questions and memories to get caught into, wrapped up so tight I lose my breath and grow pale. I can look back and count all the times I've said "someday", "in the future", next time", "I will", and so on. But not so on; it all stops here. Live a little, I tell myself. Am I living now? Maybe; if you consider being hooked up to an oxygen tank living. I'm not handicapped, so what's holding me back? I've got legs, why don't I run? I've got hands, why don't I crawl? I've got dreams, so why aren't I doing everything in my power to make those dreams come true? Or is it that I'm still just lost in a childish world, wanting everything while knowing nothing about what everything is. I don't know what I want, and maybe I shouldn't. But then why does this feel so wrong? Why does everything feel so disoriented? Way back then, what was I supposed to say? Where would I stand now if I had detoured on another path? I know I can't change the past, but what am I going to do about my future? Or can I really put that much faith in Fate to take care of me and work things through? There's always a time in your life when you wish you could just take it back or do a replay. What would You do-over? Saw The Butterfly Effect with David tonight. Needless to say, it got me thinking, and it hasn't quit. My head is pounding horribly. I guess I should give it all a break and just rest my nerves a while. Carrie