Yesterday was a hard day. I think I did a fairly good job of keeping myself together, but today definitely brought me to my knees a few times. Thank goodness I had angels to lean on. It was during the drive up to Scottsdale when it hit me--it being everything; the move, the stress, the workload, and an x factor that never really exists, but develops from the root of everything else and makes the load seem three times heavier. Blurry-eyed I drove, catching my breath to sooth my own mind; think of all the good things, I told myself. Think of everything that's been done, that's in progress, think of everyone's support. With that, I pulled into Saguaro's parking lot and delightedly met a good number of people ready to work and rehearse. With no set up, there was little we could do. But I found work for them. I had to; available time is like walking into a gold mine. So we painted a few pieces of furnature, they wrapped presents for props, they ran lines, and the most productive thing of all, we ran through the fashion show with the edited music--I won't even bother telling you how much hell I went through trying to get that song burned onto a CD that the player at school could read. To make a long story short, Kris arrived with the CD, and it turned out to be a very good thing that he was there because now he saw what was going on and understood the cues and timing and could therefor easily pinpoint what needed to be adjusted in the music. Helen also came by to help and she was a blessing as well. Leave it to Miss Drum Major to be counting off steps and the two of them figured out exactly how many beats each girl had to go from here to there and Helen helped the confused girls understand how to count to sixteen. I asked her to come back Tuesday when we go over the fashion show again--by this day, it should be perfect. After rehearsal, Kris and I went to his house for a delicious dinner and a lot of comfort I've been craving. The boys played video games while I laid on the couch and closed my eyes. Karla and Travis came over too and we sat and ate and talked for hours. It was very nice. It was getting late and I still had plans to meet up with Amy--remember? We sat down at Starbucks (where else?) and chatted for a long time. She went first, explaining her break-up with Nick, how she met her new boy, Corey, showed me pictures of her play, talked about her mom and Abby...surprisingly, she really didn't have a whole lot to tell me (well, compared to what she normally has to say). I, on the other hand, kind of drowned her. I was actually surprised in how much I talked, but I guess it just felt nice having a clean pair of ears to listen to everything and laugh as I explained the little battles at home--Grandma saving left-over nothings in bowls with foil over them and putting uncovered and unbagged lettece in the drawer; Amy completely understood. So we talked and laughed and filled in that gap again, the same gap that always appears between us but is always capable of being bridged. Emotionaly exhausted, I drove back to Tempe and fell into bed. Of course, I had to get up again once Kris got back from Travis' but that's okay. I know I've been short with him, a bit distant and cold at times, and those are always the moments I regret the most when we finally have time together. I don't mean to be that way, that's just how i do when I'm under a lot of stress. I feel like anything else that leans on me or locks me in some kind of hold becomes just another barrier, keeping me from what needs to get done. I know those arms are comfort, I just can't always realize that when I've got a million things on my mind. At any rate, he really has been a big help to me and I appreciate it more than I can say. Oh yes, I also had some other good news today. I had to pick up a letter from residential life, thinking it wasn't going to be anything too important. As it turned out, the letter was to congratulate me on being selected as an RA. So next year I'm coming back here, to Cronkite Village, lending my hand to Res. Life and mentoring freshmen and possibly even becoming the editor of the website. So, after all those months of going back and forth between decisions, here's hoping that I made the right one. On that very long note, I need to go do some French homework while the Bear continues to sleep... Carrie