It's about midnight, but due to my usual early retirement since being here on the island, it feels more like 3am. A British voice is broadcasting my thoughts in my head and I can't contain a solid idea for more than a moment. In other words, I'm rambling. To my self and now to you. This is what happens to writers who have nothing to write about. We get lost within ourselves. Actually, I've been trying to write. Not at the present moment, but for a few days now. You see, I'm reading Eldest, by Christopher Paolini. He published his first novel, his very first story, at age 18 and it was marvelous. At 18. He wrote it when he was 15. He was also home schooled and his parents ran a small publishing company, but regardless, I think he's wonderful and I am extremely jealous of his good fortune and ability. At any rate, reading his work got me thinking about my own writing, as reading usually does. Whenever I read a particularly fascinating story, I always feel inclined to write my own. Of course it never works out; I lose patience, time, ideas, and by the time I do get back to it I've completely lost whatever it was that I was after. For years it's been that damned science fiction novel with two beginnings and a dead 30 or so pages. I can't even bring my self to read it because I know it's lousy and I've looked over it a hundred times, trying to pull it apart by the seams to salvage the organic ideas and plot. I don't want to say I give up, but between you and me, I think I have. And that brings us to...this 'thing' I've been mulling over. I love reading fantastical stories and in fact the first book I ever wrote--and finished--was a fantasy about Cupid. I've little experience writing it, however, and doubt my abilities to accomplish it. Nevertheless, I've decided to take the primordial and most important step; crafting a plot line. So far all I have are a few rough character sketches. The main character would be a heroine, because in all popular fantasy stories, the main character is a him. I'm tired of reading about boys. I want to give the girls an idol they can love and have her be amazing to boys as well. I haven't decided on a name for her yet. The other very important character is a griffin. His name is Mendithas. I've recycled the name from a previous story in the graveyard, but I think it's a very proud, very strong name and a good one for a griffin. In case you don't know, a griffin is a large beast with the legs and body of a lion and the wings and head of an eagle. I've done some research but haven't been able to find much on the griffin's personality traits, which I suppose is alright because that means I can invent them all. I chose the griffin because I need a great beast that hasn't already been written about. I first thought about a Pegasus, but didn't see much room to play with there. Same with unicorns. The other character I have brewing is a witty elf who, for a large portion of the story, masquerades as a human. I haven't found out why yet, but I'm confident he'll tell me when he's ready. His name has also yet to be determined. So you see I haven't gotten very far. In fact, I've hardly gotten any where. I'm still trying to clear my head of old ideas in order to make room for the new. And in the real world I wonder if any of the daydreaming and brain storming is worth it. When will I have the time to write it? I don't know. I just don't know what I want to do, with anything. I made Dean's List again. The first time was my first semester, freshman year. It really is a proud accomplishment, not something I should brush off and think nothing of, but it makes me wonder about things. It makes me question what matters now, and what will matter five years from now. It makes me wonder about other awards out there, their value and the people who receive them. Making Dean's List wasn't a goal of mine, it wasn't something I worked for, it just sort of happened while I was focusing on other goals. And I guess that's the point I've been trying to get to while thinking in circles. If I focus my attentions to a few simple things, will greater rewards materialize without my attention? Carrie