School was icky today. I wanted nothing more than to just leave and go home and isolate my self with the piano keys. But I couldn't, so I survived, bitterly, and when moments provided, I fell into a happy place by looking at the one face that can always make me smile. I don't really know what's going on with me lately. It's like part of my old habits and bad times are trying to take over me again. I know if I surrender myself, I can be depressed again, without real reason except for the irrational reasoning that a troubled mind can make sound reasonable. And so, to humor. I cooked dinner tonight. It is amazing. I made a full, bonified meal. Chicken, stuffing, green beans, cheesy broccoli rice from last night, apple sauce, cranberry sauce- it was friggin awesome. And I didn't burn anything or mess anything up either. *Very proud* I should have taken pictures... It's almost Friday again. I'm scared for the show. We're doing the second movement and we are not ready AT ALL! It's horrible! *sigh* Oh yes, I'm to Flagstaff with a group of friends to see the Jason Mraz concert. We're going up Sat. afternoon and coming back Sunday. It's going to be so savvy. Road trip! (Finally!) And Kris, I will be tres (very) sad if you cannot come. Talked to Devon last night for the first time in likamonth. He seems to be doing well, to say the least. Saw a picture of him. I swear the face changes every time I get a glimpse. It may be argued that I know who he is, what he looks like, what he sounds like. In truth, I don't know a thing. Which makes me wonder, does he know me? Doubtful. Which, I suppose, is a better reason to meet; to really know one another. In time, in due time. In other news, I've felt oppressed, trapped under a rock and feeling the pressure of time, of energy, of opportunity (or lack there of). Mom's favorite phrase is 'Shouldn't you be ____" studying, reading, anything dull and school related. I wonder, should I be subjected to an education based singuarly around writing, how much better would be? Happier? More focused? I wonder. PS- Lately I've been burdened by my dreams again. It happens every now and then; all of a sudden my dreams become real, replicating a moment already lived or creating one yet to be seen or maybe just making all of it up in a realistic way. In any case, it's really throwing me off. I have to wake up and try to sort out dreamland from reality, forcing myself to remember the conversations that actually took place. *sigh* Carrie