I put on a good face tonight and went back out with the girls and euro-boys. I let myself be an average teen for once, and the end result has left me a little confused. Let me explain why. My first stop tonight was Jackie and Tim's for dinner because i heard Jaxx was making baked zitti and I LOVE her food, so I invited myself over. ^.^ I felt very comfortable there and was content to remain there all night. But Nikki came and picked us up and we went to second scene. Red something Cafe. It's a hooka bar. For those that don't know what that is, you basically go and sit on these comfortable couches and smoke seesha (sp), which is flavored tobacco, pretty much like super light light ciggs and you smoke it out of this really big bong-looking thing with a tube. Hard to explain. Anyway, so we did that. It was the strangest thing to see smoke come out of my own mouth. To be honest, it didn't really feel like anything. I could taste it as I exhaled, but it didn't do anything for me. The enjoyment of it was just the pure process of it; inhale, blow smoke. A long time ago I knew that I'd be an easy addict to anything. My enjoyment of the hooka further proves to myself that should I try something like ciggarettes, I'd be addicted at once. And so, I'm staying clear. But to my thoughts at the moment- it reminded me of a movie I saw about a murder mystery involving these whores in the 20's and a detective (played by Johnny Depp). The detective took some kind of drug that made him hallucinate and dream, where he would see visions of the murders before or as they were taking place. I really wanted to just lie down on one of those couches and smoke quietly, peacefully, and alone. I could see only one other person doing the same. As a side-note, ironically Adam was there with his mates. It was ironic because on the car ride there, I told Nik that I would bust out laughing if we ran into Adam there and then bam, there he was. And that's all I have to say about that. Scene 3 took me on a wild cruise of laughter and shock. Have you ever played strip padiddle? Every time you see a car with a headlight or tailight out, you punch the roof of the car and yell "Padiddle" (or spuddidle, if you're like Nik). Anyway, the last person to hit the roof has to take off an article of clothing. So we drove around and played the game, amused and stupid, and I've nothing more to say about that either. Wolf called when I got home. The group wants to go to the river and I've decided that if they go, I'm not going. Jordan (euro-boy #1) has an obvious thing for Ash and Nik has a huge crush on matthew, who is regrettably involved with a girl back home. So, the two stick girls win and I'm backing away. Mom and I had a long talk this morning and I've come to the conclusion (by her guidance) that I shouldn't have to put myself in uncomfortable situations or change myself for anyone. So I'm not. I am who I am, I do what I do. And everything will sort its self out along the way. I'll find Him and happiness, all I need is patience. PS- Everyone say hi to my buddy, Homer. He's new and he's cool and I love him. ^.^ Carrie