Interesting day today--long day, really. The morning is a blur of constant work, so I'll skip to the evening. In CV (Cronkite Village, in case you've forgotten) we listened to two people talk about internships--chances to apply, how important they are, what to expect, so on. I found myself really tuned in to begin with, and then my mind wandered into a huge montage of these golden ideas and all this motivation and determination...then I snapped back to the moment and my big bubble popped by a needle of fear. Maybe I'm intimidated by all the success story everyone keeps telling us. Maybe I'm afraid of failure. Maybe I'm afraid I'm not going to make it. I suppose those are all logical and understandable fears, and yet I don't think I've named what's really bothering me. Alex and I talked for a long time tonight during our long walk all the way down Mill and back, and then across University to "Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Grapha, Grapha, Graphics" to have our English papers bound. We talked about the journalism major in general, what we keep hearing from people, the required courses, etc. What we came down to was that we weren't sure everyone was taking us where we wanted to go. Alex doesn't want to travel or report on politics, I don't want to write or broadcast the news. I feel like taking political science would be a good asset--maybe even fun--but it's really not something I am deeply interested in, except once in a while when I'm "in another phase of mine". I am more interested in the people though, which is probobly why I am so fascinated by stories in other countries focusing on minorities or trapped cultures where government is a tender word, revolution is as precious and scarce as a well-balanced meal, and the roles of the people are so dramatically different from Americans. I've thought about a lot of things tonight, from the serious to the trivial. It might have been the speakers that prompted me to do it, but I navigated through Nation Geographic for a while--perused through the links of photography, watched video clips, got a feel for one photographer's career, found information on top cameras--fell even more in love with the concept of multi-media reporting, of traveling and observing, of shadowing and documenting history. I think this has been a desire of mine all my life, but I never truly realized it until recently. Somewhere in the pages it mentioned that the reporters (photographers, etc) needed to be able to keep up with the subject--animals, mountaineers, what have you--and so it was important to be athletic and in shape. That was the second wave of motivation I recieved tonight. I headed out to the gym. Ran, lifted, all the usual I suppose. Haven't done it in a while so it felt good. Listening to Linkin Park, I was oddly inspired to write in my fiction novel--you know, the one I've started and re-started twice and can't seem to get together. I struck with a great scenario for Larivant and Talbot though. Anyway, I haven't touched it yet. Went grocery shopping instead--bought "healthy" food and now here it is, a little past 12. I'm certain I had more to say--there's always more, don't you know--but that will have to do. It's not good for the stomach to digest too heavy of thoughts so close to bed time; side affects include stomach ache, muscle tension, and nightmares. On that note, sleep well and pleasant dreams to you. Carrie