You don't know why you can't laugh. You don't understand why you're sad. You can't comprehend why it won't go away, you can't name why the day's been bad. I saw you for a moment and ever since then you've bugging the crap out of me. Please get out of my head. But of course I wonder, the real ending came without an official goodbye, so is that why we've lost sight? Do you think of me at all, or am I the crazy one here? You need to learn discipline and priority; know that those things come before play time. This pleasure cruise will only steer you to trouble, take hold of your lifeboat and swim to motivation if you need to. You're almost there--why do you always feel the need to quit two inches from the end? Need I list examples? Good. I'm horrible with closure, you should understand. Either I don't complete it, or I keep turning it over, looking for a new way in, looking for another piece I didn't see before. So if it comes that we should have to say goodbye, I'm warning you now that I can't let you go, no matter how hard you or I try. There was one thing I was looking forward to all day. During class when a student and the teacher fell into an all-out screaming war, after math where I've come across another unexpected failure, after theatre where I am once again reminded of something done and over with, through lunch where chocolate teases, past English and a heap of work to be done, and all through physics, counting the minutes till release, I could already hear the bells in my head and I'm holding my breath until seven. Strange how a girl like me finds sanctuary in a church. Either God really does forgive and forget, or I'm just a catalyst for hypocracy. Over break I've got some things planned...some things I absolutely have to do or else go crazy...the struggle now will be strapping the chains about my wrists and forcing a pen in my hand and a focus on my brain for finals...I just don't understand how all those slackers make it through, and here I am, trying as I might, and still struggling...it's not fair, and it sucks, but to my ensurance, I really am going to go study now. Best wishes, all. Carrie