The relevance of time dissipates when the set schedule works day to day, subject to change and spontaneity. The lack of "must do" has kept our house up till 2am most nights, laughing the night away through card games of Kemps and Bullshit with new friends and old friends from high school we've drifted from. Telling stories of "the good old days" back when we were stupid, doing more recollecting than catching up. Likewise, we have been high schoolers, sleeping in till noon and dragging our butts to do our chores, as minimal as they have been. I love these breaks from the time constraints of school, but they never seem long enough. It's not over yet, but I feel like I still have so much I want (there is no "need to" during break) to do before my agenda book is flooded in black ink again. I quit my job at Wetseal. Today was my last day, although I might help out at the floor set Sunday. It'd be easy money, a few more hours to add to my pay check. I'm in a bit of a hole right now. Christmas spending and losing some pay at Jackie's really did me in. I took my puppy sitting money to do a bit of grocery shopping. Haven't done that in a while and somehow it hasn't mattered until now. I swear I've been living off cereal for the pure convenience of it. Anyway, the beginning of the new year inspired me to buy some fruits and veggies. And tonight I cooked dinner for the first time in weeks. I love having a real meal. Makes me feel like an adult. Ha! But I can't really talk about money this way. Money is always tight when you're between paychecks. At any rate, when I really look at things (which I can do clearly now, seeing as my check book is perfectly balanced!), my head is still above water, and that's all that matters. Not to mention those few extra bucks stashed away for rainy days. I think everyone keeps a little pocket change hidden in the house. Or at least, they should. You never know. The entrepreneur in me really wants to get going on my photography business. I feel like such a slacker in the photo department. I haven't taken any real pictures in weeks. I'm hoping to get some friends to sit for me, just so I can experiment a bit more with my studio lights and add more portraits to my portfolio. I really miss shooting, but it isn't enough any more to just take pictures of family gatherings, or even Mackenzie. I love my niece to pieces, but I have 2,000 photos of her. And I doubt any future employers are going to be interesting in 20 pictures of the same adorable baby girl. : ) The truth is, I really want to build up my portfolio and my website to start getting some jobs and make some money. Pocket change, really, just something. I want to get out there and do shoots. Nick was supposed to come over a few nights ago but got really sick; ended up going to urgent care, but he's okay now. They don't actually know what's wrong with him, but I guess he isn't in any pain now. Anyway, no Nick, no website. Technology has been a bit of a blockade lately. Tonight I tried working in iMovie, the mac program on my computer. It's pretty basic, but I can't get my videos to transfer. Frustrating, frustrating. I need to figure it out soon because Jackie wants me to put together a video for Mackenzie's first birthday, which is less than a month away. I'll figure out though, I always do. Some weeks ago I mentioned to Kris moving out into a place of our own. It's an idea that pops into my brain every now and again, but it's just a happy little thought I have for the future. For Kris, the novelty of the idea seems to have really struck him. He brings up out of the blue sometimes, and every time we talk about it he seems to be more and more set on it. I have no problem with it, if we can afford it. I realize how much of a control freak I am about my stuff, but with good reason, I think. Example: When Dina lived with us, she always let food just sit in my pots. And then she's hand wash them with a dirty old sponge. Today I had to scrub a pot with brillo because there was some nasty black stuff on the pot that I noticed had gotten into my food one day when I made mac and cheese. And the other day Travis tried to print something off my printer. He was trying to be nice by not using my printer paper, so he put in regular lined paper instead. Well first of all, he never asked if he could print something. And second of all, the paper jammed my printer and I haven't been able to fix it yet. Things like that just drive me nuts. I understand now exactly how my mom felt all those times she got on her computer and something wasn't the way she had left it because I had "touched" it. I'm completely going off on a tangent but it feels good to rant. And if you can't rant in a journal, where else can you? (Kris has already heard all this. Several times.) Point being, Kris and I are perfect roommates, and not just because we're dating, but because we have respect for things that are not our own. Because we see the same dirt, know how to mop, understand responsibilities, and express gratitude. I think the argument against us moving in together at the end of our lease would be, "what's the rush?" But when I think back, I'm pretty sure both our parents lived together in college. Anyway this isn't a sure thing. We've got a pretty sweet gig here, and it is nice having some company. Sometimes I think having someone spill milk on your polished floors just teaches you to be understanding and easy-going. Not everything is perfect, but perfect can be very dull. I tip-toe around the subject of Kris' future a lot. I feel like every time I bring it up I get politely told to stop pestering, or I don't get any real answers because, to be honest, he doesn't seem to have them. I brought up tonight on our way to the movie (National Treasure 2 - good flick). Two opportunities have popped up recently for Kris; a paid internship and someone else offered to have Kris shadow him a day or two, just to see what a normal day as a civil engineer is like. They both seemed like really good opportunities, and if it were me, I would have jumped at them. But not Kris. Kris shrugs and says he isn't sure. What I think he means is that he doesn't care. I think he's getting this degree to have a fancy piece of paper with a pretty signature on it. I think his whole world has become the coast guard. I've already told him that I will support his decision to join the coast guard, but I have to admit that I'm still not entirely comfortable about it. And I've told him that. I don't like not knowing where we'll be or what's going to happen. My desire for surprises is limited to candle-lit dinners and birthday parties. Tonight we promised to work-out together. For him, it's pre-training. For me, it's training for swimsuit season. He's talked about prepping for the coast guard for so long now, and for the past few weeks it feels like all he's done is sit on that couch playing video games. I'm all for freedom and time to ones self, but I hope he's not losing his motivation. I hope he's not turning into a dream. Talked about and thought about, but never done about. I hope that in these coming weeks he'll pick up his feet again and move. I see it in him every once in a while. I prod him, and one day he surprises me and gets everything accomplished. Most days I am very proud of him and see a real man in him. Other days I could just kick him in the ass. But I think that's any relationship. Well, clearly I've had a lot on my mind that needed an escape route...before I start writing into another web address, I better end it with a final note. I'm excited for 2008. I feel like I'll be faced some big cross roads this year. I hope I'm ready for them when the time comes. Brace your self, change is on its way. And it blows strong.