Today was a very bizarre day. And it's only 3:30. I know I already wrote a diddy earlier, but this one actually has substance. I met Megan for lunch; a girl I've had mixed feelings about since I've known her. We were, in a couple seperated and short periods, close friends. We hung out, laughed, but it never lasted long--just a trip to Cali and back again, just a meeting in Cotillion or Church. Anyway, I met with her today for the first time in quite a while. She's at the University of Mass. and, as was reiterated quite clearly and repititously by "I just wish I could bring everyone here back with me so they could experience it too!", she's loving. The marching band is phenomal, the people are great, the school is beautiful--hell, even the meals at the cafeteria are good. Although I was really happy for her, listening to her stories and seeing the excitement in her eyes, I couldn't help but sit there with a false smile on my face. What I really wanted to do was run away. Run away from that moment and bury myself and then stitch together a pair of wings and fly to another country where things would look good again. Whenever she asked me how I was, how school was going, my answers were short. Uninteresting. And, of course, no one can ask anything about me without asking about Kris. Which is fine of course, I mean, we've been together for over a year now, it's just...well, let me put it this way: After that lunch, I felt like there was a plastc bag tied tightly over my head and everything I thought was so wonderful about my life were suddenly the very things keeping the knot tied. Driving home I was...well, more than deep in thought. A car horn sounded beside me and it took me until the window rolled down to realize it was Tim. "Hey," He said, "You're driving by the office and you're not even going to stop in and say hi?" So I pulled the biggest U-turn ever (had to drive down Pima and jump on the 101 to loop around back to where I was) and stopped in. And I'm very glad I did. I needed to talk to someone. I had called Amy but, like usual these days, she didn't answer. I walked into the office and chatted with Tim for a while. We talked about movies and school and business and about mom's new printer. He told me I'd better mail in my play to get it copyrighted. These past few weeks I'm beginning to feel a real sense of duty towards Tim, like I need to succeed to fill a whole that someone else began to dig. He and Jackie have given me more than an inch to reach success, and I'd feel like a failure to everyone if I couldn't make a few good miles out of their support and generosity. Needless to say, I'm about to hook-up mom's new printer and get this copyright underway. I'll mail it tonight on the way to the Miller's. I went upstairs to see Jackie in her office. We talked for a long time. That helped. I didn't completely and outwardly say everything that was bothering me, but she offered enough to me for me to realize where I needed to be looking right now. High school's over-- I can waste a year of college just doing the core classes and doing the simple college stuff, or I can light that match under my butt and get a jump on life; a jump on success. Once again driving home, I picked up the phone and called an old friend. To my surprise, this one answered. Kaylee and I talked for a half an hour. She's doing fabulous and I was truly glad to hear it. I realized in an instant how much I missed my old friend. We haven't really talked or hung out in a year or two. That is such a long time. We're getting together some time next week to do a photoshoot; me the photographer, she the fashion gu-ru/model. When I hung up the phone with her, I decided on my new years resolution for 06: Keep In Touch. Mitch left me a message saying how I never write or call or anything; and he's right. I'm a horrible friend. And that's going to end. I don't think I'd feel so trapped if I was going out and seeing fresh faces more often, having old laughs and not so tied down to daily or nightly routines. My life has changed so much over the years and I don't think I've ever really prepared myself for it. I mean...what do I mean...I mean I need more time for friends, I need more time for family, I need more time spent on doing what needs to be done. And so that's the way it's going to be. Hours later... 12:58 Just got home from the Miller's. I had a really good time. Mr. Miller cooked his famous steak and brocolli cheese rice (yum!!). Helen and Andrew were there and it was so nice to spend time with them again. After dinner we spent a good chunk of time making a chorus of wine glasses, rolling our fingers along the rims in eerie sounds--only in a room of bored musicians, I tell you! I played with my camera a bit--Nick showed me a couple things, so that was cool. The boys played video games while Helen and I worked vigorously to get the highest score on Bubble Breaker, the game on my new PDA. We just spent the whole night laughing and talking and it wasn't until 12:30 when we finally decided it was time we all go to bed. But I really enjoyed my self; it put a very positive ending on a very flux day. Sunday dad wants to go quading and Karen Miller is having a scrapbooking party. I don't know what my work schedule is, so I guess that will determine where I end up. Either way I think I'll be pretty happy. It's been a long time since pop and I went quadding. Almost new years... Tomorrow, work 10-3. Kris and I are taking Kroy out tomorrow night...don't know what we're doing yet. For the last time of posting today, good night. Carrie