ABODA was a grand excuse to get me out of all of my academic classes today. We got a rating of Good, which sucks. The event its self was short and painless. We got back to school right when 6th hour began but, since we were all excused, few of us went to class. I didn't. Instead, I came across Clayton (or rather, he came across me while ditching weight training) so we talked for the entire period. It was nice. I miss him. He's a football jock, but a sweetheart. Can't stand to see girls cry, knows what stupid things are, goes to Church now (not that it really matters), and he's just a good guy. He's still going strong with his girlfriend. Anyway, we had some catching up to do. We're going to do something together soon. I don't know, maybe go to a movie or something. Last time we hung out he had to sneak out of the house and we went down to the hot-tub. I mention it to elude to the trend in events. Adam was a complete ass today. I think he was on something, literally. I over-heard him talking to another drummer about his connection with some kind of drug or something over spring break. Anyway I'm done with him. I don't know why I even got involved in the first place. Oh yeah, because he wasn't an ass before.... Well, I'm leaving in a little bit to go see the Passion of the Christ with Amy. Then I have to be at school at 9:15 tomorrow to do more work for the band. Basketball is having their game tonight at the arena and if they win, they have a game tomorrow night that Amy and I are going to. If they lose, I might end up at a party that's going on, though that, too, is an iffy thing. I don't know if I want to go, don't know if I don't want to go. You know what I'm really tired of though? People pretending to be someone else around me. Like they have to be some other, better, more innocent person to be my friend. But then, there are also a lot of things right now that I don't like. i'm going away. I'm leaving the country. I've decided. I'm going to cry a lot tonight. The movie witll provoke it and all my built up tears and frustration from this past month will just build on it, feeding on it like a fire. My moods have been as fickle as the weather. Yesterday it was hot and sunny. Today it was cold, cloud, and rainy. It is how I feel. This girl's gone gray. I really need some sunshine. Soon. I might write more later, I might not, depending on what I feel like when I get home. Sometimes I really do wish I believed in God, and isn't it funny how I find it so difficult to do so? A movie won't change that, it would be stupid if it could, but it will certainly have me questioning again. Carrie