Well here I am again. It's only like 11am but I had time to write Or type. hehe. I been fighting the urges since last week to try and not binge and purge. I admit Wednesday I did purge, using a pencil to assist me in getting everything I ate back up. I've gained a few pounds since I quit B/Pin and trying to be anorexic. Just because My cousin is don't mean I have to be. I don't kno how ppl can stand not eatings. i mean damn when I was tryin to be Ana I kept worryin about what i was going to do to get out of eating, and how many calories I should allow myself and then tryin to keep quiet when Purging. it was just too much. I hated myself then But i think I've finally found a little peace in my life. Ya kno, When I quit with the eating disorders and realized why I was depressed things kinda brightened up. I been a cutter for like 5yrs now, But I got the courage to give up the blade, to put it in its respectful place. Razors are for shaving not for slitting your wrists. It was so hard tryin to hide the cuts, concealers didn't work, cutting in other places didn't work because *I* knew they were there and I knew I had to quit punishing myself for stupid little things. i was a bitch when I cut, i was cruel to ppl and gave myself to repuatation for being a slut because I needed a front to hide the depression, i wanted guys to think I was a sex kitten there for them to use, and getting involved in all that almost got me raped this summer. Took me awhile to realize all this and when i did the light shinned thru brighter then ever before. sometimes I wonder if Fate and destiney truly exist, ya kno. Are we meant to have the things happen to us that do? or is it just something that happens? Here's a Poem that I wrote about it. "Wow we've made it this long Without anythin' goin' wrong Who thought it would last at all And Now we're in for the long haul Discovering new interests and emotions Like Music, Love and the Ocean Was it Destiney? As in meant to be? Or just a mistake That became Fate? It's a mystery I don't want the answer to All I know is I love you Best friends till the end for sure And in the Future, Maybe more?" "Friends" Not bad eh? It says more then i could thru spoken words. for some reason i can say what i can't say in person thru writing. Its like a haven I guess writing things down and keeping them to yourself. i would tell ya how many diaries I have but ha, lets not count. i'll just say I have volumes of them. Think i should use them to write a Love story? Just ideas goin thru my head as I'm writin this. Oooo yeah I said I would write about the eagles concert Guess I will now. I begged my mom for months to buy me a set of Eagles tickets cuz as u kno their on their Farewell Part 1 tour, and I just HAD to see Timothy B. Schmit. So anyways for my b-day which was 10-20 she surprises me with 2 tickets section 216 which was in the balcony row M diagonally from the stage, it was a nice view. Well anyways the concert was the next day. I couldn't sleep for something Just kept picturing Tim singing. I can honestly say that School day I have never been so spaced out, Dreaming of seeing timothy and all the other eagles. I cant tell ya how many times the teachers were callin my name tellin me to get into reality. they probably thought I was high.lol. Anyways at 5pm my dad and me ventured out towards the Allstate arena. it was an hour drive plus we got lost. But we were there by 7, thw ahow started at 8pm but they let us in early. so we walked around, I bought a Program for 20bux, there is such a cute pic of Tim in there.So finally we sat in our seats, and the lights went down. The Moment I had been waiting for had arrived. All 4 band members walked out on stage and moved to their spots. Tim on the far right with his Guitar, Glenn at the drums, Don in the center with the microphone and Joe on the left with his electric guitar. They did a few songs from Hotel California and then they talked and cracked jokes. Tim did An awesome "I can't tell you why" He sounded exactly like an angel. He put everything he had into that song and later on he did "Love will keep us alive" It was awesome, They did a 20min break and were back on again. they did a Kick ass version of "James Dean" which is one of my fav songs. They jammed man Jumpin up and down and all around the stage. I had my binoculars glued to Tim, I was HEAVEN. I wish the night had never ended but they did a 4 hour concert which was awesome. A night to definitly remeber. That's my opinion of the concert. hehe. I gotta log off my mom is bitchin grrrr, Peace