Another day gone to hell. Class was alright. I kept spacing out. I can't focus, mind just seems to wander and doesn't want to come back. We had Mrs. G for gym. I use to be so tight with her. But She's just another person who wants to associate and nothing more. Sara seems to be her Favorite. I'm cool with that. I don't trust most adult females anyways. Then like in Shop class....damn we were like all evil. All the guys kept shouting things and Bobby even turned the lights off. Mr. C didn't even really bitch us out. I think they learned that they are just wasting their breath. The kids ain't gonna learn till something big happens. Then after skool we had the History Study session. I sat with Mike, Sam B., Antwone, And Jimmy. All Jimmy did was make comments about me being a hooker. I so wanted to reach across the table and strangle the lil bastard. I hate when people do that kind of shit and then he made it sound like I was some kind of sick bitch when Ms. M was rite there. I hate when people fuck with me like that. Almost had a panic attack in Reading for some weird unknown reason. The days appear to be getting longer. I can barely sleep. Waking up every hour with sick images in my mind. I take naps but its like I'm not even sleeping. And when I do nap I wake up 4times more depressed. I kno that depression thrives in sleep but like I dunno. I feel like I'm not in control anymore. It's like I'm a slave to this. I can put on such a damn good act that no one notices. I've been pulling my sleeves up because I can't stand having them down. In a way I want to ask for help. Mr. Dan I think would be a awesome helper because he'd understand and not automatically think I'm some Suicidal Lunatic. He's only a Sub tho and I don't have him for any class. I'm at the point, Where I don't want to stop cutting but I need to do something. It's either get help or commit suicide. But every person I look to for help doesn't notice or they don't want to. Silence is deadly..... What does it take to find some one that understands......Guess I'll never kno....